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There is No Operator

I’ve posted before lamenting the absolute pathetic state of big company phone support. Here is a transcript of a recent phone call with a big bank, trying to speak to a representative, but getting the run-around from their crappy telephone system. This was an extremely frustrating experience.. perhaps you can relate?

Me: calls the big bank

Bank: hello you are being recorded
Bank: press 1 if you speak spanish
Bank: enter your account number

Me: operator

Bank: I understand you want to speak with someone
Bank: for your security, please enter your account number

Me: operator

Bank: to get you to the right place, please tell us what you want

Me: operator

Bank: there is no operator, but you can say things like “account information”, etc.

Me: operator

Bank: there is no operator
Bank: you have to choose from the following..
Bank: you can say “loan information”, “line of credit”, “fraudulent charge”, … or say “service” to speak with an operator

Me: okay, service

Bank: you have to tell us what you want

Me: service

Bank: please choose from the following
Bank: you can say “loan information”, “line of credit”, “fraudulent charge”, … or say “service” to speak with an operator

Me: service

Bank: are you sure, we are very busy

Me: yes

Bank: try the app for faster service

Me: no i want to speak to someone

Bank: here is some information
Bank: account summary
Bank: please wait

Bank: hold music, horrible horrible hold music
Bank: hold times are very long are you sure you want to wait

Me: yes

Bank: hold times are currently twenty six(26) minutes

Me: *sighs*

Bank: you are being recorded
Bank: do you want to use the app
Bank: press one to use the app
Bank: press two to continue holding
Bank: etc.

Me: *getting tortured with endless ads for the bank’s mobile app*
Me: *getting lectured about all the bank’s useless online crap*

Bank: did you know about cash rewards program?
Bank: did you know about the big bank app?
Bank: did you know that you can go paperless?

Me: *still waiting to speak to a human*

Bank: everyone has priorities, travel, etc. try our new servcie at big bank dot com
Bank: please update your information
Bank: try the app
Bank: etc.

Me: after half hour enduring this mindless sh*t, finally a human picks up the phone
Me: hello, I have a question about..

Bank: Hello, please verify your account information

Me: gives information

Bank: have you tried the app? It makes it easy to..

Me: *hangs up*

It’s like wtf is the matter with the people who are designing this stuff? There are only two possible answers, both equally bad:

  • They have no clue what they are doing
  • They know exactly what they are doing

Either way, your automated phone system SUUUUUUUUCKS.

How it should work

Just for compare and contrast. Now let’s look back to the time before idiotic automated phone systems. Typical call would go something like this:

Me: hello, operator?

Bank: yes how can I help?

Me: I have a question about my account..

And done. Speaking with a human as soon as the phone picks up. Questions answered in less than two minutes. Win win win. Have a nice day.

About the Author
Jeff Starr = Fullstack Developer. Book Author. Teacher. Human Being.
Digging Into WordPress: Take your WordPress skills to the next level.

2 responses to “There is No Operator”

  1. man, i hear ya! i usually just keep pressing 0 until someone answers – i refuse to talk to these machines – in your case it doesn’t sound like this would have worked however

    i’ve been researching how the world actually works (as opposed to how people think it works) from several angles for a long time and this is going to get *much* worse

    i might suggest dumping your current bank and going with a small, locally owned bank if possible

    • Jeff Starr 2023/01/17 2:32 pm

      Pressing 0!!! Yes I do that all the time, but it rarely works anymore, sadly. Sitting there spamming the zero button whilst screaming operator is gonna be much funner once AI gets involved. AI will be used by the idiots in charge to further enslave humanity. Lol good times.

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